Personal Ad

SWF seeking SWM for friendship and possibly more. Must have a job and be willing to relocate across the country. Dark hair, preferred but not required. No redheads, please. I'm not hair-ist, I'm just not attracted to gingers. No mandals or corduroy pants wearers, either.

Looking for someone who likes to cuddle, but only for a short time. I enjoy being able to get up for a drink in the middle of the night without having to disentangle myself from someone's grasp. Public displays of affection limited only to hand holding and the occasinal smooch. You must be chivalrous, but not in a cheesy way. I like to be accompanied to the bar and occasionally treated to a drink, but I don't need the car door opened for me. If it's cold outside and I'm visibly shivering, the offer of your coat or sweatshirt would be nice, but no grand gestures, please.

You must know how to give compliments, but not go over the top. Telling me I smell nice is lovely, but sniffing me all night long is not. Also, please don't tell me I'm "beautiful." I'm not, so don't blow smoke. Cute, pretty, whatever strikes your fancy. But let's not pretend I'm Jessica Biel here.

I want someone who knows how I take my coffee and surprises me with small gestures like bringing me a cup once in a while. Bringing me a 12-pack would also suffice. I love flowers, but don't waste your money on roses. I like them cheap and pretty, and roses are cliche. I want to be out at a bar and have you order me my first drink without asking. I don't necessarily want you to like the television shows and movies I make you watch, but still sit and watch them quietly with me. I want you to take me to hockey and football games and not ignore me during them. I want you to be patient when I don't understand a call a ref makes or what off-sides means.

I want a guy who genuinely listens when I speak, but knows how to shut me up when I babble. You have to ask me questions about my day, and know who I'm talking about in my stories. You must be nice to my friends. You must be nice to people in the service industry. I want you to tip well, but not exhorbitantly. I want to be able to go to a nice restaurant or a pizza place with you and be comfortable. I want you to like dressing up once in a while. I want you to take me on dates.

I also need you to be a man. I never want to see you cry unless your dog or a family member dies. It's not sensitive - it's girly. You should be able to fix things like leaky faucets, blown fuses, and plugged up toilets. You have to be able to hang shelves and pictures. I want you to have lots of friends and go out drinking with them, but come home when you say you're coming home. I want you to bring me out with you and your friends once in a while.

I want you to be clean, but not necessarily neat. Throwing clothes on the floor doesn't bother me. Moldy plates on the counter does. You must care about your appearance, but not obsessivly so. You cannot go tanning or frost your tips. You must wear some sort of cologne. A scruffy face is also a plus. You must look good in a hat and wear comfy hoodies that you don't mind me stealing from you.

I want a guy who thinks it's cool when I burp and doesn't tell me to relax when I'm anxious. Must be willing to give backrubs, not just recieve them. You must like sleeping in and staying up late. I want someone who knows my favorite foods and knows me well enough to answer for me when I'm asked a question. I want someone who will stick up for me, but doesn't resort to physical violence.

You must love road trips. I want someone who wants to go places with me, whether it's a concert or a wine tasting trip. I want a do-er, not a "maybe-er" or "some day-er." I want someone who makes decisions, so it's not always up to me what movie we see or bar we go to. But I want you to respect the decisions I do make. I want your mother to like me, and for you to put up with mine (who tends to be...involved). You will respect my mother, but never side with her in an argument- and definitely never talk to her about our problems.

You must love animals and be kind to children. I want someone who plays with my dog and offers to take him outside for me. I want someone who doesn't mind my dog's breath in your face when you wake up and will throw a ball for him until he tires. I want you to suggest bringing the dog on trips with us and let him sleep in our bed.

You will think I look as cute in the morning as I do in full makeup. You will love my granny panties as much as the other kinds. You will always wake me up to say goodbye before you leave. You will text message, and you will like it. You won't flirt with other girls in front of me. You must be able to admit if another man is attractive or not. You will call me your girlfriend without having to be asked or told.

Any takers?