I haven't owned a car in over 5 years. Living in the city made it easy to get around without one, although I've always missed the freedom that a vehicle allows. The bus took me to work and school, and that's really all I needed. I had Wilson Farms and Mobil within walking distance of my apartment, and friends were always willing to run me to the mall, Target, or Wegman's if I needed to go.
Now that I'm living at home, it's obviously a bit more difficult to get around without a car. Walking to the nearest store would probably take me at least 20 minutes - and for someone who does not enjoy physical activity, that's just too far. Thankfully, BRO has a car. Not so great? BRO, BIL and I share it. My brother owns the car, but it's sort of an unspoken agreement that whoever needs it most gets to use it. It hasn't really been a problem - either my mother or I drive BIL to work in the morning, then I drive myself to the office, then my mother or I pick BIL up. Everyone's willing to sacrifice, and everyone's very generous and understanding when more than one person needs the car at once. There have only been a few times that I've been literally stranded here, and that was due to miscommunication. It's been a pretty smooth ride.
Not such a smooth ride? Driving in general. After only driving once in a blue moon for the past 5 or 6 years, driving through the city and to Niagara Falls Boulevard every day really sucks. I cannot believe the way people drive. It's frightening, unnecessary, and idiotic. Here are some of my favorite drivers:
1.) The I'm in too much of a hurry to use my turn signal driver: This person is obviously in a huge rush. Whether it's changing lanes or making a right turn, it is simply too time consuming to flick the little lever next to their hand. Forget that it turns off automatically when they actually turn - it's TOO DIFFICULT. Weaving in and out of rush hour traffic on the thruway requires serious concentration - breaking concentration to signal a lane change could cause an accident when cutting off three lanes of heavy traffic to get to the Galleria Mall. Better just cut the wheel and hope everyone stays out of the way.
2.) The hands-free headsets are for pussies driver: We all think that cops are jerks when they pull us over. Especially about stupid stuff, like not wearing a seat belt or littering. But these drivers laugh in the face of the law. These are the ones that will cut you off, then promptly slow down to 5 miles below the speed limit. When you finally get agitated enough to pass them, you see that they are in deep conversation with their therapist. Don't bother giving them the finger - it'll just cause another driver to suffer when he calls his buddy to bitch about you.
3.) The I refuse to let you merge, even though all other lanes are open driver: This gem sees you coming off the ramp, but refuses to get over to allow you to merge. This causes you to swear, slam on the breaks, and maybe even honk your horn. The driver probably doesn't notice because he's on his cell phone.
4.) The I'm going to stop in the middle of a busy street because I don't know where I'm going driver: Listen: Pull over. 80% of people have phones with some sort of mapping system. Enter your destination and follow the directions. Or perhaps get a Garmin. Or go to a gas station and ask someone. But when I'm cruising along at a comfortable 45mph and you decide to take your foot completely off the gas without braking, I may come within inches of hitting you. Is that really worth your pride? Also, if I slam into your car, that'll really interfere with your dinner plans at the TGI Friday's you were searching for.
5.) The I don't know what the lines on the road are for driver: This winner doesn't seem to get the most basic of all driving rules: The lines make a lane that you keep your car in. You don't get to drive in both lanes at once. You don't get to keep your passenger's side tires in my lane while the rest of your car is in your lane. This is like coloring. Stay in the lines. And if you can't stay in the lines at age 49, you may have bigger problems. Starting with your Ed Hardy baseball cap and Ke$ha CD.
6.) The I don't know who goes first at a stop sign driver: Basic rule of the road: whoever gets there first gets to leave first. That means after coming to a complete stop, not slowing down to 15mph, then gunning it. This driver also gets easily confused at shopping malls and 4 way stop signs. I don't need you to wave me on - you got there first, just fucking go! And if you're at a mall, it's quite easy to see who goes first if you pay attention. I know there's a sale at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, but it's my turn, ok?
7.) The I drive a semi and insist of going 20mph over the speed limit on a 2 lane highway driver: Hey semi drivers - can you slow the hell down, please? I find it hard to believe that those beasts are easy to maneuver, and you're scaring me.
8.) The I'm too busy texting/putting makeup on/kissing my boyfriend to notice the light change driver: These drivers are usually teenagers and are always annoying. When you are in a car, you have one job: driving. You can wait until you're parked to apply your mascara. The person texting you can hold on 5 minutes until you arrive at your destination or pull over. And making out in your car is fine, if you are not holding a line of cars up while you do it. We all know how irresistable your acne-covered boyfriend is to you, but please, wait until you're at the movie theater to grope him. At least then you'll be in a dark room where I don't have to see your saliva being exchanged. Also, the light is green and I'm hungry.
9.) The how you doin', baby driver: I wonder if this is a common plotline in pornos, because certain men think they have a shot with a woman if they approach her by rolling down their window and smiling appreciatively. Has this ever worked? Have you ever looked over at a red light, seen a guy roll down his window and lick his lips at you, then pointed to a nearby parking lot for him to follow you to? I'm doubting it. Quit it, guys. It's distracting and creepy.
And my personal favorite:
10.) The I don't care if the sign says "right lane closed ahead," I'm going to wait until the last second to get over, causing a traffic jam and angering every car in my vicinity driver: Folks, this is where traffic jams begin and end: with this driver. If they got over in a timely fashion, lane closures wouldn't be nearly as congested. These drivers think they're getting far ahead of the rest of us, when really they're just holding everyone up, including themselves. They think they're clever, even going so far as to drive over the "wake up, sleepy driver" strips on the shoulder and zooming ahead. I always hope an errant crane will be up there with one of those huge magnets they have in junkyards (at least in movie junkyards). Then this driver could be picked up and moved to the back of the line. That would make my year.
This concludes my complaint(s) for the week. If any of you can see yourself in the drivers I mentioned above...knock it off.
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